Self Care Sunday…. Let Your Fear be Your Compass

Do you ever just go through amazon and add a bunch of products to your wishlist dreaming one day you will own them all? I do this with books many many books. Most of them I hear about on a podcast, and I have learned my lesson that as soon as I hear of a potential good read to save it in my wishlist THAT MOMENT! Other wise I will forget.

Over that past 6 months I have dived into my fare share of self help books… I know there is a stigma around the term “self help” like who the hell wants to be caught in Chapters in the “self help section”. And I have to agree when I went to chapters to purchase a book in person because pre ordering it on Amazon was not working for me. ( I pre ordered it and 3 months later still no book at my door step, my friends who had it could had read it multiple times by now! WTF… I guess that’s what I get for ordering something during Mercury Retrograde) So I mustered up the energy to go to Chapters and buy this book in person. Luckily it was actually in the Business Section and not the Self Help Section.

Why are we so bothered of the thought of being caught in the self help section anyways? I was surprised  when I got to the store I had a small quick thought ” Oh man do I want to walk down that isle”?. So silly!

As far as I can tell cool people write those books, some are ridiculous and old age but some are gold! Real page turners… Some of them have helped shape my life over the past year, and so many cool things have come after reading them. So next time you need to buy a book in person feel proud no matter what section your in. If anything your showing an example that you are taking action on your life and letting your fear be your compass.

Want to know the book I was buying..? The one that never arrived from Amazon so I had to go in store…?

It was You are a Badass at Making Money by Jen Sincero the New York Times Best Selling Author of “You are a Badass” and I bet her second book the Badass at Making Money will be a best seller as well!

I just love how Jen writes, she is real, cleaver and applies as much humor as possible while keeping the information motivating, without making it cheesy. We all know there are some books out there that are fake, and cheesy as hell but not Jen’s books. I have to say they are by far the best “S Helpery Books” I have read so far.

Everything she writes is Gold but last night one of the chapters really hit home.

“Let Your Fear Be Your Compass” – Jen Sincero

“Without giving it much thought, we accept our environment to be “reality”, to represent what normal life looks like. Doesn’t everyone know how to do a keg stand? ( She was referencing to her early 20’s in Spain when she was drinking her face off, where she explains she was not interested in the finer things in life like good health, and waking up in the places she remembered walking into)

“This is why, when you decide to upgrade your income and standard of living, its important to put yourself in the new environment your intent on creating for yourself as best you can: It not only jars you out of our old ways of thinking, believing, and being, but it gives the new environment an opportunity to start having an effect on us and to start becoming your new idea of normal instead of As if! Me? – Jen Sincero

I have been working on a blog post for some time now the name is a secret and the content is a secret because well its a secret! But soon ( in a couple months ) I will be able to post it! It’s pretty much talking about life, how I don’t like being stagnate and I have learned in the past 6 months to face my fears head on. So when my life is not exactly how I want it to be, perhaps not making the money I know I can be. Or perhaps when I am not living the live I want to live and lacking joy in some spots. Books like Jen’s have given me the courage, the space, the time, and the allowing mindset to be open honest and real when taking actions to make changes for the better. Most of these changes involved using my fear as a compass so when I read this in her book last night I got so excited!!

I am upgrading my environment and its scary!

It really helped solidify everything I was doing is right… All the scary new things that will happen are good things, and that it’s totally ok and expected to feel like your going to puke or shit your pants any given moment.

But wait there’s more!

This part will make more sense when you read my blog post about my new and scary changes, but it’s so fascinating I had to share it here.

“When you succumb to fear, you are under the illusion that you can predict the future”

– Jen Sincero

This is so true…It’s something I have wanted to write about for a while now.

Because of course with new changes and new things the fear can take over and what is that fear really..? it’s fear about the future, the plans, the what if’s … We waist so much time letting our fears push us around and shape our future. Heck we even fear about our future because of the fear we are presently facing. There are MANY reasons we have fear.. Maybe it’s something you have experienced before and you have a high chance of it happening again? Maybe it’s something that has been passed down from your family ingrained in your subconscious. Maybe it’s something that’s new and you are a control freak and hate not knowing the outcome. Or maybe it’s something you need to do but you have no fucking idea how to and you need to ask for help. Or the most popular fear of failure: maybe it’s something your so worried about that you will fail, and you can’t even imagine to start it because of the fear caused with the failure outcome you have already chose.

I mean we all don’t want to look like idiots but what ever that “thing” is that your so afraid of failing over just do it anyways I mean your going to stay up all night thinking about that “thing” if you don’t at least try.

But wait there’s more

Why are we afraid of failing? Is it ever really a personal thing or is it fear of looking dumb in front of all those people you told before you did “that thing”..?

People have such an influence on us and how we think, so much so that even before you decide to do “that thing”. And even though you are so afraid of failing and looking dumb. Those people were most likely the same Debbie downers that told you to not do it in the first place! Because it’s A) To expensive B) To risky C) Know one else is doing it so why are you D) Afraid for you E) Don’t want to see you get hurt, fail, or be sad if it doesn’t; work out.

Have you ever told your friends or family something that you felt so excited about, and in the time it takes to refill your wine glass you have now been introduced to all the scary what if’s idea’s that have crushed your dream so fast your next sip is just straight from the bottle.

What else are family dinners for.. Right?

Now I understand that these people are just there to provide their fear on to you because they might actually be scared for you. Or they might want to tell you all the nasty things that could happen, while you are pursuing your exciting new dream because they feel like it’s best to be fully prepared for when shit hits the fan. They have done their part, and they can sleep at night knowing they were so helpful with preparing you for real life shit.

I get it! And believe me when I tell people about my new changes (family, friend, clients, the lady at the bank, the guy who helps me bring my groceries to my car or the kid on the side walk… they all have the same response)

Excited eyes, ” Oh WOW” usually comes out of their mouths and then they say something stating a fear for our future endeavors.

Jen says it best ” Nothing pops our balloon of belief like the pointy pin of a pal.”

Sometimes those who are closest to you fear the most and are less supportive because well they care about you, and they know how you get when you don’t get your way.

But the most interesting of them all are the people who are jealous of you taking risks and facing your fears. They are excited for you, but then continue the conversation listing all the reasons why they have not or will not do ” that thing your doing”. This has always fascinated me. Iv’e had this happen a couple times the past few months, the first few times it happened I thought how rude they were for making the conversation all about them. But then I realized it’s just their way of convincing them selves they are comfortable where they are and making all the reasons why facing their fears is too much work.

But I guess my point of this post is to encourage you to face your fears, and re evaluate annually. Because if you are costing through life easy breezy beautiful cover girl. Then I suggest you get a copy of BOTH of Jen’s books and start changing up your environment, getting real uncomfortable and using your fear as your compass.

I did and so many cool and wonderful things are happening because of it. It also feels pretty dam amazing to dive into a new life and change up the way your doing things if you are not feeling like your life is all that it is supposed to be.

Oh and if you are waiting for “the right time” Stop that ! Seriously because facing your fears head on takes a while anyways so if you start today then by the time the stuff is actually coming to fruition you may feel a little bit more ready then you did before. And as far as I can tell from my own experiences is we can’t control everything. Sometimes you just need to let the universe do its thang! For example: I Manifested a few things I really really wanted to show up in my life. I made a clear thought and outline of those things but didn’t exactly know where or how they would show up. I literally just allowed my life to see what was out there… and walla the rest is history. Most of the stuff that is coming up I dreamed about but I never really had all the details I couldn’t have I didn’t know what it would all look like but I am so glad I didn’t organize all the details because waiting to see what comes is much funner!

 

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